ferrousland.com - diary archives
Wednesday, June 21, 2000
deep - 09:30 AM
i've been reading the dairy of a girl that has a webcam. it's pretty full on. she's very open about her life .. well, about her feelings i guess more than her life. i don't feel that i've really been that open in my own diary here. i mean i tell you all about stuff that's happening in my life, sort of like a newsletter, but i'm not sure that i really share. maybe it's because some of my family read this. maybe it's because i feel that some things should be private. hmm, no i don't think so. main reason i guess is because of the family members that visit my site. funny really. i'd share my deepest feelings with complete strangers, but not with my family. none of my immediate family read this. i haven't really told them about it.
i did show my sister because she's good with personal information that i share with her. she tells people stuff on a need-to-know basis only. it's kind of weird actually, she won't even tell her husband regular news about what i'm doing generally, such as jobs or that kind of thing. he has to ask to find out. i am so totally the opposite to that with myself. i'm sure that some people must wonder sometimes "why on earth is she telling me this?" anyway, i know that i can tell her anything & unless it was a life & death situation, she wouldn't tell another soul.
i guess it's not a bad thing to have some things that are private. some thoughts that go through my head are silly ones that either wouldn't make sense if they were allowed out of my head, or are just passing thoughts that i don't even really agree with. do you know what i mean? do you ever have thoughts like that? you'll think some strange thought & immediately that it's gone through your head, you wonder how on earth you could have thought something like that. i've always reckoned it's a good thing that we can't read each other's thoughts. there's already way too many misunderstandings that come from words that are spoken out loud.
some people would be of the opinion that whatever goes through your head (in waking or sleeping hours) is a pure thought, something that's a deep, subconscious reality, but i disagree. for instance, if a guy has a dream about his girlfriend having an affair with another guy, that doesn't necessarily mean that it's going to happen. it means that it's something that he fears. perhaps it's something that's happened in the past & he doesn't want it to happen again. in that case, it would be something that he has to come to terms with in his own head, so he dreams about it. hmmm, i suppose that means that in some ways it is a deep, subconscious reality. not a reality of the future, but a reality of the past & of the current state of mind.
wow. that was pretty deep.
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