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Monday, October 20, 2003
bodily fluids - 04:03 PM
here's a tmi (too much information) warning right at the beginning because i'm going to talk about the real nitty gritty of what it's like to have a baby. basically, it's all about bodily fluids.
it's amazing how quickly you deal with having the full gamut of bodily fluids on you. babies have them all & on a really regular basis.
i've discovered that there's no day in which i won't, at the very least, be vomited on several times. most times i catch it in a vomit rag (hand towels are really good for this), but there are occasions such as when he's just finished a feed & is lying back resting for a minute & he'll have a really good spew all down my leg. they come without warning,too. there's no pasty looking skin beforehand, there's no, "ohh, i feel really sick," there's just happy face, big spew, then happy face again.
my favourite place to be vomited on (insert sarcasm here) is my breast. he'll be rooting around for another feed but it turns out that it's just a comfort thing because his mouth will be just about on my boob when he'll projectile vomit all over it. i must say that is one of the more special ways to be spewed on. it's pretty much on a par with him vomiting down my cleavage or having a cough in my face & flecking me with bits of rancid, curdled milk. mmmm yum! (end sarcasm.)
he also does a really good job spreading it as far as possible. sometimes when he has a large vomit when you're burping him on your shoulder he'll then put the whole side of his head down into it. it's a particularly good effort when he even manages to get it into his ear.
i've been lucky enough to not be pooed on yet, although i have cleaned up a few very special nappies & ended up having to wipe some off my fingers too. i've heard frightened whispers about explosive nappies but i have yet to experience this &, in fact, no one's been game enough to explain to me exactly what is involved. i'm keeping my fingers crossed. the messy stuff that is ordinarily contained within his nappies is gooey enough without the prospect of having it spread to places other than his nether regions & halfway down his legs. he has pooed several times when i've had his nappy off to change him into a clean one. it's an amazing thing to watch. did you know that it comes out all frothy? fortunately, it's not that smelly since he's breast fed. i've heard that babies on formula have really stinky nappies. his poo, surprisingly, smells quite sweet, not that i'm sticking my nose right in there when he gives a particularly good poo performance.
it's a rather interesting texture too. you see, nobody tells you any of this before you have a kid, it's all a wonderful surprise to find out that his poo is actually made up of what looks like lots of little tiny tomato seeds contained in a foamy yellow liquid. when it's your own child, you actually find it quite fascinating, even if you sometimes look on in abject horror at the things your child can produce from its body.
boys have a special gift, it seems, when it comes to urinating. they can get some really good distance. when riley decides to have a pee when his nappy is off (which would be at least one every four times, to make a guess), it's anyone's guess where it's going to go. his best effort was one time when shroom was changing his nappy & he got the wall & cupboard door behind him a full two metres (about six & a half feet) away. shroom was so impressed that he called me in there to see the results. i was just as impressed. we both congratulated riley on that one.
the other day i had a friend over to visit with her own five month old little girl & she changed her nappy while she was here. she left her 'floating in the breeze' for a full ten seconds, i'd estimate, & even turned her back on her. it mustn't be the same for little girl babies, because there's no way i'd do that with riley. you're just asking to be pissed on if you do that with a boy. i've usually managed to jump out of the way in time, but there have been a few occasions when i've had to wipe it off my hand or my arm or my shirt.
one day when shroom was leaving for work, i noticed that he had just a small amount of baby vomit under the collar of his shirt. i told him about it & began to laugh a bit. he looked very unimpressed & said crankily, "it's not funny!" i tried to stifle the laughter, but i couldn't & had to laugh out loud. eventually i said through the laughter, "i'm sorry, but it is!"
i suspect that having children will continue to be all about the boldily fluids & as time goes on, the main difference between having a baby & an older child is simply that the volume increases.
it's just as well i love my baby so much. 
If I remember correctly Hayden did lots of great explosive poop when only breastfed...the joy of a breastfed baby. Watching Duncan deal with exploding poop during a nappy change, off the side of a change table, was hilarious!
We haven't had too many up to the neck poops, maybe only one, but that was enough! It's usually somewhere really convenient like in the car.
And you get used to scrubbing poo out from under your fingernails! I was so grossed out when I read that on MommieTalk but remembered quickly that I'd done that!
As for throwing up on me, more times than I care to remember. It won't be long before throwing up on you is a rare event. Cherish it?
And the urinating? I remember "catching" it in my hand to stop it hitting things I didn't want it to touch!
ok coralie, when this happens your gunna think of me LOL...the exploding diaper, always comes in the car seat, on the way to the grocery store.....LOL...trust me on this sweety, always have a good bag of clean up stuff in the car....LOL
ROFL!!! that was a particularly entertaining entry
heh. I seem to recall calling one of my sons "The Vomitron". And it's not the explosive nappies you should be scared of - it's the Mt Vesuvius lava-style poos that you have to look out for. The slow unstoppable flow...
As for peeing into the air, I seem to recall being told that sometimes the rush of cool air when the nappy comes off can prompt that.
Bodily fluids are all part of the special bonding process. Besides, without all this you'd have nothing to say at Riley's 18th birthday party or wedding reception.
Also be prepared for the green poo. I had never seen it before until I changed my little granddaughter's nappy about a month ago. She had 1 brown lump of normal and a lump of dark green that looked like playdough. I was told it was something to do with milk. Maybe an overdose of Chlorophyl?
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lol and yuck!
i think we did mention the explosive nappies when you came to visit. i think it happens when the babies get a bit bigger and are more mobile and also eating some stuff other than just milk. when stephanie had a really had one, it would be like the nappy wasn't there almost. all the way up her back to her neck, and all the way up the front to her belly button. you can't possibly not get poo on you when you're trying to clean up one of those.
stephanie threw up on my face once. that was very not nice. *shudders*