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Saturday, January 13, 2007 - (see all news for this day)
still breastfeeding at three - 11:37 PM
(filed under 'smiley')
i'm not sure if many of you realise, since i don't mention it all that often here because it's such a normal part of our lives, that smiley is still actively breastfeeding.
i don't go out of my way to mention it, just as i don't go out of my way to not mention it, but tonight i thought i'd say something, just in case there are mums out there who are struggling with breastfeeding either because of medical or physical issues, or because they're being pressured by people around them to stop. i suppose i hope that this will help breastfeeding to be seen as the entirely normal thing that it is & perhaps encourage those mums who are having troubles.
breastfeeding your child, if at all possible, is one of the most amazing things you can do for your child. many mums have to stop early for one valid reason or another, but my hope is that those who can, will continue breasfeeding their children for as long as possible.
i'm quite fortunate in that i've very rarely had anything negative said directly to me about smiley still breastfeeding. my mother & father-in-law had said to smiley on a few occasions when he'd asked for "boobie" when they were within earshot, "you don't want boobie! boobie's yucky!" i respectfully asked them not to say that & they stopped. i don't know why they would say that to him, but i assume it's because in their thinking, a child of his age should be weaned by now. perhaps they even thought that i didn't want to be breastfeeding him anymore & i was somehow doing it againt my will. that's certainly not the case.
they haven't said anything recently, but i have caught a look or two (not made at me, but to the air, so to speak) from my mum-in-law that seemed to indicate that it wasn't okay with her. please know that i'm not saying this to have a go at them. i'm just stating that this is the only opposition that i've had to me breasfeeding smiley for this long. i love my mother & father-in-law a lot. they go far above & beyond the call of duty in supporting myself & their grandson & i appreciate them as friends & family.
since smiley rarely breastfeeds in public anymore, due mainly to the fact that he's too busy & excited about whatever is going on around him, it's not something which comes up in conversation. i don't hide it or avoid the subject, it's just not 'out there' so it doesn't come up. if smiley does want boobie while we're out, i usually put him off until later simply because i want to finish what we're doing or because it's not a convenient time or we're not in a place where i can sit down comfortably. however, if he really needs boobie because he's very upset or has hurt himself, then i'll stop whatever i'm doing to help him feel better.
breastfeeding an infant is about comfort, food, nutrition & protection from illness. breastfeeding an older child is more about comfort from the child's point of view, but there's still nutritional value in the milk & there are definitely major benefits in regard to receiving vital antibodies. for instance, with smiley about to attend a day care centre a couple of times a week, i'm really pleased that he's still breastfeeding regularly to help him obtain 'fresh' antibodies to stop him from becoming as ill as he might otherwise from all the bugs & germs to which he'll be newly exposed.
the world wide average age of weaning a child is four years old. many in the western world would find this rather extreme, but imagine if the vast majority in the western world who wean by six months old were taken out of that average? the more 'noraml' age for weaning would jump quite a bit higher.
at this stage, i have no plan to wean smiley at a certain age. i'm going to take it day by day. originally, i figured i'd breastfeed him at least until about two years old. after he turned two, however, it didn't seem any less normal to be breastfeeding him. why should he, at two years old, need boobie any less than he did at one year & three-hundred & sixty-four days old? likewise, why would he need it any less the next day? or the next?
yes, gradually he's not needed the breast as much each day, but i've left that up to him. he's getting older, more independant, more able to cope with falls or bumps on his own without needing the comfort of the breast, but if he does need that comfort, who am i to deny it? as long as both he & i are happy continuing the breasfeeding relationship, then i can't see any reason to stop it at this stage.
think of it this way, if your child fell & hurt herself, would you not give her a hug? would you not allow her to have that 'blankie' or that special toy that makes her happy again? some day, in her own time, she'll not always need those things when she feels strong & capable to cope with those occasions on her own. smiley doesn't have a special toy or a blankie for his hurts or upsets. he has boobie. he doesn't always need boobie to make it better, most days just a kiss on the sore spot or a hug or band-aid or a bit of attention is enough to make it better.
some might say that breastfeeding for this long will make the child needy or clingy. just ask anyone who's spent time with my little boy if they think he's needy or clingy. far from it. he's a very capable & independant child. he's had the support & comfort that he's needed, when he's needed it & it's made him confident to go out there on his own & explore & learn.
i want to spread the good word about breastfeeding, so i thought i'd speak up about it.
if you'd like to read more about someone else who has breastfed her kids for as long as they needed & wanted, there's a really encouraging, positive & inspiring article here.
That's a very positive message, Corri. To me, extended breastfeeding is an individual choice that needs to be respected and honoured, and I really don't understand what other people's problem is with it. If it works for Mum and child, everyone else can just butt out as far as I am concerned.
I am still breastfeeding Elizabeth, now 20 months old, once or sometimes twice a day (she always has milk upon waking and sometimes at bedtime, although not always) and I don't feel any need to wean her. Alia, my oldest, self-weaned at 16 months, when I was 4 months pregnant with Elizabeth (from what I understand, that is quite normal, as the milk changes taste in pregnancy) and it was always my position with both of them that they would lead the weaning process.
Elizabeth had dropped herself down to the one-or-two feeds by 14 months so I thought she would wean soon after, but it hasn't turned out that way, and I don't mind a bit. For her, it seems to be about routine and comfort - it is how she likes to start her day, it gives her reassurance and confidence.
My parents are supportive of my approach and most of my other friends and relos don't know that she is still feeding - after all, they aren't around at my house at 6am! But even if they did, I would just shrug my shoulders if I got any criticism. It would be hard to meet a more confident, secure, healthy, cheeky, outgoing, and yes, well-behaved child that my little one. Feeding has only helped her, not hurt her, and continues to do so.
Good on you! Although only an aunty and not a mum, I also agree that a happy and secure child is more likely to have the confidence to be brave and independent. I'm glad you're letting breastfeeding run it's natural course. You know what's best for him and he does too.
well done - eliana self weaned at 19 1/2 months so im looking forward to breastfeeding again in april when number two arrives!
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what is right for you and your child is your decision. mostly, as i have seen, the child will decide when to stop. some are very young, thus the worldly average may be somewhat misleading too. in some areas, food and health care may be scarce and this is a supplement; this too may throw the average off. you do what is right for your child. only you can decide what's right.