ferrousland.com - daily news archives
Tuesday, May 29, 2007
seeing him sad breaks my heart - 04:25 PM
(filed under 'smiley')
i mentioned it in my previous entry about going to the play school concert, but it was almost a passing thought in that context. in real life, when smiley was so sad because he couldn't give his pretend presents to play school, it was way more than just a passing thought. in fact, i think it affected me more deeply than it did him.
he was feeling down right up until the time that the two play school presenters came out to autograph things & have pictures taken & he was then able to give the presents to them. i was sad for several hours after that. i still am now!
i've seen smiley upset many times before, like when he's told me that he misses his daddy (although that hasn't been an issue just lately since shroom's back here while he gets all the paperwork in order for his new job in belguim), or like the other day when he thought i was angry at him for writing on the bottom of a plate (i exclaimed in a somewhat surprised manner, but i wasn't angry since i knew the pen would wash off), but i've never seen him quite so crestfallen because he wasn't able to do something which meant so much inside his three & a half year old mind.
as soon as he ran off to give them his 'present' & i saw that they'd just left the stage, i knew deep down, with a mother's intuition perhaps, that he was going to be devastated. when i caught up to him & saw his little face looking so sad, i felt as though my heart shattered into a million little pieces. his previous visible excitement & pure joy at wanting to give something to the two presenters (even if it was just a pretend present taken from his pocket & held in an empty hand) was gone & had been replaced with a slow pace, a hanging posture & the saddest little eyes you've ever seen.
i picked him up & gave him a kiss, but it didn't help all that much. i asked him if he wanted a cuddle & he wrapped his arms around me & rested his head on my shoulder in a way that he never does unless he's genuinely sad about something. we spoke about what happened & he confirmed the reason for his sadness. he hugged me about four or five more times, even after i tried to cheer him up with the offer of a play school toy from the gift shop set up at the back of the hall. he's normally pretty keen on a toy, but whichever ones i suggested, he just wasn't interested.
he did finally cheer up after the two presenters turned up at the gift shop about five to ten minutes later & he was able to give them an empty handful each, which, he told them, was a rainbow phone (he's into rainbows at the moment), but it affected me deeply & for much longer.
i know there'll possibly be many more times in his life when i can't fix it & i'm sure that i'll be just as sad about those times as well. i feel as though i can now understand how awful it is for parents to see their children, no matter what age those children are, heading into certain disappointment.
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play school concert - 02:29 PM
(filed under 'smiley')
smiley & i went to see a play school concert today. play school has been on tv for forty years & their very successful & popular format has been taken around the world to many different countries. smiley's always enjoyed seeing play school on tv & i loved it as a kid, too. when i saw they were doing a tour as a live concert & i bought the tickets, i was much more excited about it than smiley was!
this was a live presentation of play school. it ran for just half an hour (it's aimed at two to five year olds, so any more than that would have been pushing the limits of the kids' attention spans) & was really enjoyable. smiley had a great time with the songs, the stories & the dancing & i loved the bits & pieces of humour aimed at the adults (such as the 'prince' doing a few elvis moves & a 'cow' who was crying & crying being told to stop 'milking it').
after the show had finished, they came out just one more time very quickly & then disappeared back stage. before they left the second time, smiley said he wanted to give play school a present & put his hand in his pocket & pulled out an imaginary something-or-other to give to them. he ran up to the stage from our midpoint in the audience, dodging around everyone in his way with suprising agility. unfortunately, he reached the stage just after they left.
i could see him standing there, the top of the stage above his head, with his open hand help up high to give them their presents. i knew in my heart that he was going to be really disappointed so i caught up to him as quickly as i could. he was very disappointed. his little face fell & his whole demeanor changed. i picked him up & asked if he was sad because he wasn't able to to give them the present. he nodded & even had tears in his eyes. he hugged me like he only ever does when he's genuinely sad & it broke my heart.
i spotted a gift shop set up at the back of the hall, so i took him over there & asked if he'd like a play school toy. he was so sad that he didn't even want one. i really wanted to get something to remember seeing them, so i stood there for a bit trying to ascertain what he might like. as we were waiting, the two presenters, angela (that's a very old picture of her) & teo, turned up at the gift shop to sign things!
i told smiley, but he wasn't convinced at first, because they'd changed their t-shirts. he finally took me at my word & i asked him if he wanted to give them their presents now. he did & handed them across, one for each. they took their invisible presents with much delight & teo asked what it was. when smiley told him it was a rainbow phone, he started to dial & said, "can i call you?" smiley replied, "no! i'm right here!" lol!! of course. 
so teo said he'd call him later, instead.
we bought a t-shirt & a big ted toy & had teo & angela sign each of them. they were really lovely & took the time to chat & have photographs taken with whoever wanted them.
i really wanted a t-shirt as well & would have had mine signed, but they only had kid's sizes. bummer. lol!
i took a self portait with them in it & they smiled & posed for us. not the most brilliant picture, photographically-speaking, but it's a lovely record of seeing play school live. if they come around again, we'll be sure to return. 
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