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Saturday, August 01, 2009 - (see all news for this day)
So much going on in the past two weeks - 12:06 PM
(filed under 'general')
So it's been two and a half weeks since I updated ferrousland. Naughty me. 
A lot has happened in that time. Some of the happenings, and the repercussions of those happenings, or perhaps more correctly, my reaction to those happenings, has meant no updates for ages.
This is going to be a long entry, so if you're interested, keep reading.
Most of you close to me (and/or those following me on Twitter or friends with me on Facebook) already know much of what life's been throwing at me for the past couple of weeks. Twitter's great for venting, so I've been venting there a lot, instead of talking about it here every second that I went through each new emotion.
The first thing that was causing me to not really want to talk much on ferrousland was that I was having boy trouble. New Boy and I are no longer together. He seemed to be losing interest, and when he told me he wanted some time to himself to think about stuff, I was (correctly, as it turned out) worried. I hate being left out of the loop, and even though I know boys like to go into their 'cave' to think about things, I had to know what was going on. I sort of pushed the issue and we ended up breaking up. It seems that it was going to happen anyway, so I don't regret pushing it. At least I was put out of my misery sooner.
I had a horrible few days where I felt so incredibly lonely. Mind you, I was feeling that way while he wanted to think. Actually, I was feeling a bit that way even before he asked for time to think. The days immediately following the break up, I was incredibly sad about breaking up, but mostly I was concerned that we wouldn't even be able to be friends afterwards.
All's well that ends well, though, and we had a good talk about everything and we are friends. We both agreed that good friends (especially ones that live nearby) are too thin on the ground to let go of.
I'm very pleased that as quickly as our relationship developed into a romantic one, it's now resolved into an easy and comfortable friendship. I tend to process emotional stuff really quickly, but even I was surprised at how fast I managed to get through this and change my mind set. After just three days of feeling sorry for myself, I had a complete mental turn around and I'm even comfortable enough to talk with him about possible future relationships for either of us.
It makes me immeasurably happy to know that the basis of our relationship truly was a friendship. 
Since that time, I've been doing lots of 'me' things, such as making my way through the entire four seasons of the new Dr Who, and the first two seasons of Torchwood. Smiley's been watching Dr Who with me and has quite enjoyed it. It's been nice to do something with my little boy that we both enjoyed.
The other thing that went on right about the same time (talk about bad timing!) was that Smiley's dad and I discussed Smiley possibly living with him in the future. I was really sad to think about it, but at the same time, I'm absolutely pleased that he seems to be planning his life based around being near his child. This hasn't been the case in the past three years. I'm not holding my breath about Smiley going to live with him, but if the plans he's spoken of come to fruition, then Smiley living with him is a distinct possibility. It's a possibility that I'm happy with, too, particularly if it means that he'll have a much more active role in Smiley's life.
We spoke quite calmly and amicably about it, and he was open to continuing with the way I've chosen to bring up Smiley so far; i.e. home educating, etc.
The latest drama (as if the past few weeks hasn't been drama enough) has been Smiley's teeth. He has massive cavities. He seems to have missed out on getting my natural resistance to mouth bugs and got his dad's poor teeth, instead. The consensus from two dentists is that the cavities started from our time—when Smiley was about two and a half years old—in Bahrain where they love children and would be 'nice' to them by feeding them a lot of lollies and sugary drinks. When I'd go to a shop with him and refuse to buy him a lolly, the shopkeeper would often just give us the lolly. And they are truly offended if you refuse it. Also, he spent afternoons with our housekeeper, and she would often take him to play with other kids and would be offered more lollies and sweet drinks.
The dentists have said that even strict brushing won't help with that, because the cavities had started between the teeth, where the teeth butt up against each other, and brushing and flossing won't even touch that. The only way to avoid it is to cut out the crap food and drinks.
The cavities developed and became much more advanced over the past few years when I've simply not had the money to pay for the work that's needed to be done. When it comes down to the cent to make sure you can eat for the week, thousands of dollars worth of dental treatment tends to take a back seat.
I had a talk with Adrian about it, though, and we've sorted out something between us so that the work can be done, since the damage is getting serious now.
It's not been as simple as Smiley getting in the dentist chair, though. A year ago, I had one cavity filled, and boy was it a drama! It took so long and was incredibly stressful for everyone involved: Smiley, me, the dentist, the dental nurse. Wow. This time, with Smiley a bit older, it was marginally less stressful, but all we managed to get done was to clean the grot out of one of the cavities (of about five or six present) before Smiley got too stressed out and was ready to walk out of there. From an outsider's point of view, he appeared pretty calm, but to me, I knew he was very stressed about it. We couldn't even get one cavity dealt with. I couldn't imagine doing it all again with five or six of them!
As we couldn't get past the point (several times) of getting the cavity dry and clean, ready for a filling to go in, we stopped and decided the better course of action was to take him to a pediatric dentist and get the work done while he's knocked out under a general anaesthetic. It was stressful for me to decide this, since no one likes to see their kid so defenceless, but when we went to the kid dentist and it took major cajoling to let the new guy just take a look in his mouth without even putting him in the chair, I knew it was the right decision.
Trying to go ahead with the dental work while he's awake—which would have been futile, anyway—would result in him developing a pathological fear of dentists and stressing him out to the max. Not a good thing, either way.
It's going to cost a bucket load more than just doing it at the dentist, what with the added cost of the anaesthesiologist and the hospital, but I know that this is the best thing for my child. After talking with the new dentist, Steve, and seeing him interact with Smiley, I'm also very impressed with the man and happy that John (my dentist) referred this guy. He seems to be right man for the job and someone who does what he does because he enjoys kids and cares about them.
(By the way, if anyone wants to know more about him because they need some dental care for their kids, comment or email me and I'll pass on the details.)
So I guess that's most of the drama that's been going on in the past two and a half weeks. That's more than enough drama for that time frame, thankyouverymuch. That's more drama than I need for a whole year, in fact!
If you made it to the end of this, congratulations; you are either a good friend, very patient, or a sucker for punishment. LOL! 
Glad to read that your friendship survived, 'cause really great friendships are so important in our lives. Sorry to read about Smileys theeth trouble, but it's nice that you found a dentist who's great with kids. Deciding to let your kid have dental work under general anaesthetic is a big decision, but personally I really think it's important to spare young kids for what could end up being a lifelong "fear" of dentists. Hope all goes well
yeah, well I know I have no patience. And I'm not into punishment either :P
Sometimes life isn't going quiet right. I've had the same thing, whit a girlfriend. Somehowe a steady relationship didnt work. Then we became friends, and that worked great. There is always hope.
And Smiley is in good hands whit the dentist. But the hard part begins after the dentist: how do you get a child off the sweets?
Great to hear that Smiley's dad want a more active role.
Corali, i hope that you come in a more quieter time, and that you can relax a little more now.
Sorry to hear about Smiley's dental problems. Hope it's soon all sorted. Makes me realize that the UK health care (especially for kids) is not so bad after all!
Take care
Of course I read it till the end, I like to have a general idea about how a good friend's doing
The boy's cave, I recently read about that one. I'm afraid it really exists, but I'm glad your relationship worked out that way.
Dentists I really don't like (allthough I'm lucky not to have had any cavity yet!), and I can well imagine how Riley must feel.
And as for Riley&Adrian, it seems he's taking his responsibility where it's needed as in this case. I think it will be good for the boy to have his father around for some (long) time when the opportunity exists, because of the balance and extra value it gives to his upbringing (and you're doing a great job with that yourself, mind you).
Leaving Smiley with his Dad. Are you STUPID. You and i know what the a ___o boys are like. Don't ruin his life. Our children deserve better. Shame on you for even entertang the situation.
Sorry, Misty, but who are you? Do you know me, Smiley, or his Dad? It seems a little presumptuous of you to tell me what to do in this situation.
And you seem to have entered you email address incorrectly, because my reply to you bounced, thus why I'm replying here.
Yes i Know you all well thats why i commented. And i thought the A____o boys would make you realise i know you. Said my peace. Don't want to get involved. All the best.
@misty - how can you say 'Don't want to get involved.', when by posting a comment you are involving yourself?
Seems to me that you have everything under control. Good for you. Life can really throw punches at you sometimes.
Misty, I still don't know who you are. I'd love it if you would email me privately (ferrous [at] gmail.com) so that I can find out more about whatever it is you want to tell me.
Thanks. I hope to hear from you soon.
You haven't updated your in over a month. I hope everything is alright, and that you and Smiley are well.
Teresa
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well.....i'm not up for punishment and certainly have no patience. so i guess that puts right where i want to be.
stressful indeed but i see you managed yourself through it. good for you. i definitely understand the fear of dentists. i am one of those. even though i've been hundreds of times, i still abhor going and will put it off until i absolutely need to (usually based on pain).